8 Essential Ingredients For A Healthy Partnership
And why they matter
Romantic partnerships can be the most beautiful, lovely, sweetest and sacred — but only if we know how to navigate them and who our partner is, comes from and what they like are we able to really relish in the true beauty of their soul.
(For this article, I have decided to use partnership instead of relationship because itnhighlights unity, that you work as a team and I personally find that a much better word.)
1. Safety And Comfort
Safety not only physically, but also emotionally and spiritually. This is essential not only for both women and men.
“In an emotionally secure relationship, you have a sense that your partner understands and accepts all of you. Because of this, you can feel confident opening up, being vulnerable, and sharing your hopes, fears, and pain.”
Spiritual safety is something very close to mental or emotional safety, but it goes a little deeper than that.
Feeling spiritually safe, I would say, means total vulnerability and trust feel effortless for you, like you could show your whole soul to your partner because you know you’re safe and feel comfortable with them.
2. Freedom To Be Self
The freedom to be our wild, silly, quirky, idiosyncratic and authentic self.
If we can’t be this with our partner or don’t accept them to be this way, there’s no intimacy, and ultimately no vulnerability.
And if there’s no intimacy and vulnerability, a partnership cannot flourish and feels disconnected.
Because you see, connection rises out of accepting each other. That’s what heals the past trauma and wounds that you and your partner may still bleed from, and wouldn’t it be exquisite to be able to gift your partner with that healing through the power of acceptance, compassion and love?
“There is truly nothing quite as tender or healing as the expeience of being fully, wholly seen through the eyes of someone who wants to fully, wholly see all of you.” — Lisa Olivera
3. Healthy Vulnerability
Healthy vulnerability, first and foremost, means we don’t use it to control or manipulate our partner.
Instead, genuine, raw vulnerability looks like letting your guard down, letting your partner see your real, quirky and tender self and relishing in that moment together.
It’s the single most rewarding and bravest thing you can do, if you feel safe and secure with your partner.
“If you don’t allow yourself to be vulnerable, your partner can’t be expected to understand what you need and want from them.” — Shari Foos
4. Willing To Get Support
It’s essential to also ask for help outside of your partnership or family. This may take the form of a couples therapy, or a therapy for you (or them) alone.
The willingness to receive support also shows that you are able to be vulnerable, which is in itself true inner strength. It tells your partner that you value them and your partnership enough to get the help you (or you both) need to better connect and understand each other in the long run.
5. Repair Skills
Repair skills are tools to de-escalate conflict.
These may include comforting your partner by simply touching them, or hugging or embracing them. This sends a powerful message to them that you are on
On the contrary, they may instead need some space and time alone to relax. Rememember, everyone deals with stress differently, and while some need to hold your hand or want a hug, others need space away from you to self-soothe and think.
That’s not to say they don’t love or like you anymore, but rather, that they come back after some time when they thought things through and may even understand you better afterwards. (That, of course, isn’t the case if the conflict involved you being emotionally or physically abusive. If either you or they were abusive, I’d advise you to seek support, ask someone you really trust, and leave the partnership immediately.)
6. Community Support
This is different from point #3 in that we get it more so from family, friends or acquaintances.
Community support may take the form of asking a family member, for instance your grandma, what you can do better to improve the quality of your partnership, or how she and your grandpa stayed together for so long and still loved each other so much.
7. Willing To Be Wrong
In short, if we can’t admit to be wrong, we cannot learn. And if we are unable to learn, either from our mistakes or others’, we thwart our chance of growing as a human being and understanding people and our partner better.
For instance, if we never ask if what we think or say about our partner is accurate, we can’t even begin to understand why they’re stressed/upset/irritated.
Therefore, it is not only important, but in fact vital for connection to grow and not wither away. We have to devote this effort to our partner if we intend to maintain or, even better yet, improve our connection with them, because only that way can we get to know them for who they are and really see the innate beauty of their heart and soul.
8. Healthy Communication
How do you talk to each other? Do you yell at and criticize or judge each other, or do you say the truth but with kindness and humility?
Listening to how your partner feels when they talk will tell you about current emotional state they’re in. Are they sad, irritated, depressed, or do they feel grateful, excited, joyful, or peaceful?
“Communication is important because it fosters trust and connection. In order to have an open, honest, and vulnerable partnership with our partner, we must be able to freely communicate in a healthy manner.” — Shelley Sommerfeldt
I hope you have enjoyed this story of mine and please feel free to ask and also comment any constructive feedback you have. Thank you.
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