What Makes Both Partners In A Relationship Feel Safe And Connected To One Another?
And how these are essential for intimacy to grow and flourish
First and foremost, for both partners to feel safe and be connected to each other, there have to be some elements that make them feel that way. In this way, they can begin to get to know each other more intimately and feel close to each other, without obstacles such as fear getting in the way.
#1 Comforting touch
Affection, cuddling, hugs: all these are not only meaningful for a relationship but in fact vital for human health in general.
“From birth until the day we die, we have a need for physical contact. Early in life touch is important in building relationships and bonding through stimulation of oxytocin. Touch can reduce heart rate and blood pressure and help us to feel calmer and less stressed.” [1]
Hence, it doesn’t only make you safe physically, but also opens you up mentally & spiritually to the other person — and that in turn creates a strong connection between you two.
A soothing voice, a relaxing touch, laying with someone in your comfort zone. Feeling fingers in your hair. Simply being close with someone you love easily calms down your nervous system.
#2 Mindful talking
To think before speaking is the definition of mindful talking. It’s better to be silent and stay calm rather than to upset or yell at your partner because you are afraid, agitated, tired, or angry.
In this way, you either can be received by your partner and cuddle with them or hug them to create closeness, instead of division — or, if you need space, be alone and enjoy solitude while you soothe yourself and come back to your partner re-energized.
Moreover, if you speak with loving words, they — if received and accepted — can create waves of pure love in your partner’s chest, softly touching their heart.
#3 Be someone who pulls your partner in
Instead of pushing them away, you pull them in and thereby show that you’re a safe haven for them, and that they can always go to you if they need you in a crisis, or simply when they are sad or down.
“Moments of struggle are a crucial opportunity for fostering and strengthening safety and connection.” — Dr Elizabeth Fedrick
#4 Showing interest in each other’s inner worlds
It is essential to get to know your partner, because if that doesn’t happen, they will easily and quickly feel lonely and that will cause your connection to erode, slowly but surely; and they will also not be interested in you anymore, depending on how patient and persevering they are themselves.
This brings me directly to the next point.
#5 Freely offering appreciation and admiration
To freely offer something means to expect nothing in return. If you genuinely appreciate your partner, you make them feel not only beautiful, but also seen and heard, which are elemental to feel deeply loved and for intimacy to grow & flourish.
#6 Listening attentively and being present
Imagine this scenario:
You are sad, or crying, and your partner listens to your hurt and hugs you. They tell you everythigng’s going to be alright, and that they will be there for you, while they proceed to lock eyes with you and let the silence speak.
How does that make you feel?
#7 Expressing Vulnerability
If you are able to be vulnerable with the partner you love, that shows them you are open to letting them get to know you. And what’s more, it makes it easier for them to let you in inside their inner world and be vulnerable, too. Isn’t that the most beautiful: to have someone be this intimate and close with you.
Simply put: To express vulnerability is to water the flower of intimacy.
To end it, here’s a quote by Lao Tzu:
“Kindness in words creates confidence
Kindness in thinking creates profoundness
Kindness in giving creates love.”
